ein bisschen english zum üben....

[Zwickel]

und weiter gehts.....

Was walking down the street and standing outside the pub was a tramp ( bum, hobo, homeless person etc etc ). So hey he says to me "Have you got 50 cents for a pint mate?"
I gave him a dollar and said get me one too.


Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord...'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'


John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,'he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'

[Zwickel]

Weiter gehts...

Took my old man shopping the other day (he is 71). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at her. The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one! In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid:

"Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

[Zwickel]

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to
the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our
fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a
few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?

Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

[Blume_50]

Hi Zwickel,

Du gibst Dir hier immer solche Mühe einfache Texte herauszusuchen und was ist bei mir? Mit Google-Toolbar alles schon übersetzt - automatisch, ohne dass ich es jedesmal einstelle!

Eine Zeit lang habe ich es gar nicht bemerkt und gedacht, der Zwickel hat's aufgegeben und schreibt jetzt in Deutsch.

Irgendwann fiel es mir dann auf, dieser Satzbau konnte doch nicht von Dir sein!

LG Blume_50

[Zwickel]

Hallo Blume,

willst du sagen, die Toolbar von Google übersetzt das automatisch?

Die mischen mittlerweile überall mit, nicht zu glauben.

Kommen denn da sinnvolle Sätze zustande?

Ich weiß nur, daß Babelfish einen totalen Quatsch immer übersetzt.

GRuß

[Zwickel]

Ich habe da nochwas gefunden. In Australien gibt es genau wie hier die Zeitschrift "Eltern" heisst dor analog dazu "Parents"

Den Editoren ist dort ein Lapsus passiert, schaut selbst: http://www.snopes.com/photos/risque/parents.asp

wie peinlich

Gruß

[Zwickel]

weiter gehts....

Some old men can still think fast.


An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

[Blume_50]

Hallo Zwickel,

Du hattest gefragt wegen der Qualität der Übersetzung, na perfekt ist es immer noch nicht, aber man versteht, was gemeint ist.

Zu diesem Beispiel hier , da hast Du ja wieder was gelernt, was Du bei passender Gelegenheit testen kannst.

Oder ist es gar eine wahre Begebenheit?

Liebe Grüße
Blume_50

[Zwickel]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f*****' liar......'

[Zwickel]

An old Italian Mafia 'Don' is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you
always remember me."



"But, Grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about
you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"



"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.

You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a bigga home and

maybe a couple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna comma home and

maybe find your wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you
gonna do then......,
Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up'?"

[ntf]

Whilst infants enjoy infancy,
why can't adults enjoy adultry?

[Zwickel]

[ntf]

I am using a silent "e".